My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
