Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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