I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
