I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
