What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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