So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Randomize
