i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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