1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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