I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk is not a location!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
