Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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