Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
