Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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