You're completely useless in the revolution.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
