I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
