come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
