Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
