I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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