ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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