big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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