I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
