Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
