i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
