My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
