amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
