seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
