I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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