I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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