and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
