I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
