We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
