Apparently you make a good broom.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
