then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
