Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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