Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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