He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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