Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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