I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
