I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
