im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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