Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
