Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
