the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
