i permit you to call me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
