i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
