happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
