people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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