I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How's work?
Spinning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
