just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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