Please, let me fuck your mom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
