Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
