saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
