life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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